Fuer Elise
by AlaWickma
Summary: What will Hermione's best friends do when they find out she hears a voice in her head? Will she go crazy when the Clown named Herbert tells her a secret and Hermione freaks out? What will she do when Herbert starts to kill off her friends!? *CHAPPIE 2 UP*
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not even an effing pair of decent nickers! Good lord! This stupid disclaimer is making me depressed…..*sigh*…. 

It was a normal day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry; Ron and Harry discussing Quidditch, as Hermione did their homework, as well as her own. It was close to a foot of parchment for Bin's Boring History, yet Hermione seemed to enjoy it.

"There's no possible way you could agree with Cho on this one Harry!" growled Ron, in an almost "How-Could-You!?" sort of tone.

"Well, I don't know. The Tornados just seem to be doing better than the Canons," Harry saw the look on Ron's glowing red face of utter confusion mixed with disgust. It was steadily getting brighter. "Well, don't get me wrong," he said quickly, " the Canons are excellent. But they're not the best at Quidditch," said Harry. After the purplish color that Ron's face had turned, Harry realized what a mistake it was saying it.

"Fine, you know what?" said Ron angrily, his face now resembling an egg plant. Ron picked up the parcel of unfinished homework from Hermione, realized she was in the middle of writing a new paragraph, in - obviously - the smallest writing she could conger, and he slammed it back down in front of her. "I'm going to bed! G' night _Hermione._" Ron stormed up the stairs.

Hermione sighed, "You two never learn. If you only just listened--"

"--I cant listen to Ron when he's so… so…" Harry had trouble thinking of a word to describe Ron and Quidditch, "So close-minded!" he finished heatedly. Hermione looked at him, obviously insulted that he had not let her finish what she was going to say.

"Not _Ron_! I mean, come on. No one can listen to him when _he's_ yelling! Trust me," said Hermione, looking at the steps to the boys dormitory, as if she was worried that he would suddenly appear, and have heard every word she had just said.

"Then who?" asked Harry. Hermione never answered. "Hermione, who should I listen to?" he said urgently. Harry knew something was up. Hermione , Harry's fluffy haired friend, had been acting strangely for the past week. He thought it might have been Christmas Break that had gotten to her, but he wasn't sure why that would have done anything strange. 

"Hermione, tell me. I cant listen to them if I don't know who you're talking about," he said, leaning over to attempt to see beneath her hair, which was falling in every direction over her face. 

Hermione curled her toes in her shoes, and bit her lip nervously. She tilted her head up from the piece of unevenly cut parchment, and closed her eyes, as if listening hard for something in the distance. 

"No one, never mind," she said, after a few seconds of no movement. Harry looked at her, almost afraid. 

She would tell me if something was up, thought Harry. _she's a smart girl. She knows a bad sign when she sees…well…hears one._

Hermione tilted her head back to the parchment on her lap. Harry stood almost so slowly that it was painful in his thighs, as if he was hoping she would suddenly snap and spill her guts out to him about what was going on. 

By the time he was standing straight up, she had said nothing, and had stopped flipping hastily through the very thick book that had been on her lap, giving her quill support as she wrote. 

"Well, I'll just…I'll see you tomorrow. Good night." said Harry, as he patted her on the shoulder. She didn't move. It seemed to Harry as though Hermione didn't know he had even moved out of his chair. Her eyes where fixed thoughtfully on the tip of the parchment on her lap.

Harry reached the stone steps that lead to the boys dormitory, and took a quick look back to Hermione, alone in the Common Room. She looked up from her lap as though she heard Harry calling her name. 

"Oh, where are you going?" said Hermione with a baffled look on her face. Harry stared at her. He pointed to the boy's dormitory.

"I just told you. I'm going to bed…" Harry didn't move. He couldn't. He just had to wait for a reply. 

"Oh, er--I must have-- er-- dozed off," she said quickly. Harry realized he was still pointing to the dormitory- his arm began to hurt -and dropped it back to his side. Harry turned and walked up the stone steps. 

As he walked the stone, almost icy steps, he heard Hermione mumble something close to "Clans," but Harry had just closed the dormitory door, and decided it would have been awkward to open it again. 

The room was dark and cold. Ron wasn't snoring, so Harry thought it safe to assume that he was just lying awake in bed.

"Ron, did you hear what Hermione just said?" asked Harry, into the darkness of the room. He tried to aim his whispering voice to the general direction that he assumed Ron's bed was in. Harry had forgotten the entire reason why Ron was up in bed early in the first place. 

"Er… No, why?" said Ron, sounding a mixture of a bit woozy, and a bit angry. Apparently he had not forgotten.

"Because I asked her about why she was acting a bit…out of it.. And as I was waking up, I think I heard her say something like 'Clan,' but I didn't really hear, I guess," he said, looking at the blackness of where the floor would be. Not even the moon was out that night. Harry expected rainfall by morning. 

"You mean, you think Hermione's a part of some kind of Cult? Or weird group that messes her brain up, Harry? Is that what you're telling me?" Ron sounded offended.

"I don't know what I'm trying to tell you, Ron. I don't know, I mean, it is a possibility, right? I don't doubt there's one here in Hogwarts," he said, as he slipped into bed, cloths still on.

"But Harry, this is _Hermione_ we're talking about! Not Parvati or Lavender! Hermione's too smart to get mixed up in all that." Ron seemed pretty certain. Harry never answered. He stared up, not sure what to think.

A/N: Will write more if I get good reviews! PLEASE REVIEW! Thanks! J 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer; hey, I got some new knickers! Er...I mean I own nothing… Nothing… Really.

* * *

The next morning was just as cold as the last, if not more. Harry told Ron how worried he was getting about Hermione. Her marks had begun to slip.

Ron and Harry where sitting in the Gryffindor common room, with the rest of the Gryffindors. Manny classes had been canceled due to the blizzard that had broken through many of the classroom windows. Very few classes where smart enough to put a charm on the window before they where totally snowed in. Then there were the classes that had now windows. Harry and Ron regretted to inform everyone that Potions was one of them.

"Today," said a dark, low voice of the potions teacher, Professor Snape. Professor Snape was tall, and pail, with greasy hair, and a bit of an attitude. Or at least that's what all of Hogwarts thought. "We will be making the ever so popular truth serum. The directions are again on the black board. You must read them carefully. If not, your partner, after the trial consumption, will inflate six times their normal size, and turn a lovely shade of purple from head to toe. Now, unless you want this school to look like 'The Telletubbies Training Camp' then I suggest that you read, and reread the directions very carefully." Professor Snape gave Neville and Harry an insulting stare. "You may begin"

All at once everyone reached for his or her ingredients, holding them for a time until they where absolutely positive they knew what to do with the contents of the jars. Everyone worked hastily in silence. Harry found it easier to concentrate without Voldemort on his mind.

After adding, measuring, and mixing several different kinds of ingredients, Harry glanced at Ron's potion. The directions said that it was supposed to release a slight purple mist. Harry's was a tint of pink, and Ron's cauldron was billowing thick black smoke, and bubbling over.

Harry turned to Hermione to compare her perfect potion to his almost perfect one. He turned away from Ron's black smoke, and waved it away from his eyes. He held his breath; afraid the fumes could possibly be poisonous, because of the strangely drunken look on Ron's face.

Harry looked at Hermione's cauldron expecting Snape to give her top marks. But when he looked he saw a mess closely resembling the one of Neville's melted cauldron.

"Hermione, are you okay?" asked Harry, looking into her face. She looked dazed. Ron was almost on the floor laughing when he realized he had done better than Hermione in his worst subject.

When Ron bumped his head on the leg of Hermione's chair, he realized he was over reacting a little bit, and stopped laughing. He went back to his chair next to Harry. The bump from Ron's head seemed to take her out of her trance. She realized what she was doing and quickly struggled to keep the rest of her dried toe jam beads from falling into her half melted cauldron.

"Well now," said the dark voice of Professor Snape, "isn't this the surprise of the year? Miss Granger, did you make this potion with your eyes closed? 

Or did Potter find you a blind fold?" Harry heard all the Slytherin howl with laughter. "I would have expected better of you." Snape lifted his wand, no doubt to get rid of the potion, but to Harry's surprise, he didn't.

The second his wand dropped, parchment landed neatly on each desk. On it, a list of questions and a short space to fill in a 'yes' or 'no', to test the effectiveness of the serum.

"All I can say, Miss Granger," said Professor Snape, to Hermione's red face, "is I pity your partner." Snape shot an eye at Harry, who in turn gave him a dirty look. "Or not," he said coldly. "Miss Granger, your partnered with Potter here. Everyone else, I do hope you know left from right. Every other person, take the witch or wizard to the left of you. Now, fill your vile and give it to your partner. Ask them the questions I have prepared for you. You all have fifteen minutes. Ask quickly, and don't procrastinate. Go."

Everyone took the small vile and filled them with their attempted potions. They all handed them to tier partner.

"Do be cautioned. Do not drink your Potions at the same time. Take turns. Continue on class," said Snape. He glided over to his desk and sat in his chair. He seemed to keep an eye on Harry, or at least that's what he thought.

Harry had to stop Hermione from over flowing the vile and spilling the potion onto the desk. Harry made Hermione go first in fear that after he drank hers he would not have the ability to talk. Hermione took the potion as a shot. She winced a bit, and then relaxed. Harry thought it appropriate to ask her the questions, as she did not turn huge and purple.

"Okay, Hermione. 1. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?" Harry read the question and looked at Ron, who's facial expression looked just as baffled and disgusted.

"No," said Hermione's voice. It sounded like she did not hear the contents of the question. Harry turned back and lifted his quill, and wrote "no" under the first question.

"Er…Right…Erm… 2. Do you find the potions Teacher at all attractive or sexy?" Harry found it hard to finish the sentence. He looked at Snape who, surprisingly enough, was beaming with delight. Harry was disgusted. He looked back at Hermione, and his jaw dropped. She looked as though she was seriously contemplating the question!

"Hmm..." she said thoughtfully. Ron began to listen over his shoulder. "Well his voice is sexy, but that hair is such a turn off!" Ron almost fell over his desk, and Harry almost passed out. He heard Malfoy from across the room say, "Look who's talking, fluff head!" while Crabbe and Goyle, Malfoy's relatively large comrades, laughed. Harry had to kick Ron to get him to stay at his desk.

Harry continued asking the questions;

"Should Professor Snape get a haircut?"

"Yes."

"Does Professor Snape at all remind you of a goat?"

"Yes."

"Do you talk to yourself while you are alone?"

"No."

"Do you have a crush on anyone here at Hogwarts?"

"Yes."

"Who?"

"You. I-- I mean Ron."

"Oh, erm," Harry looked at Ron, who was beaming with happiness.

"Next question. Do you like creamed corn?"

"Yes."

"Is your British accent fake?"

"Yes."

"Do you hear voices no one else can hear?"

"Yes." Harry looked quickly at Ron. Ron didn't seem to hear. He was behind on the questionnaire.

"Who? Who are they?"

"Herbert. My friend. He tells me things. He's a clown. He's everywhere. He's here right now, watching me. He's always watching me...always..."

Harry shook his head, and looked down at the parchment, "Have you ever run around..." Harry sighed, and kept reading. "Run around naked wearing a tea cozy?"

"Yes."

"Do you have Professor Snape's Cell Phone number?"

"Yes."

"Do you..." Harry stared at the paper, and showed it to Ron, who shrugged. "Do you ever fantasize about yourself and Harry Potter in a Furniture store with buckets full of cement on your feet holding Orange Police cones while eating ice cream?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to see Professor McGonagall in Compromising positions?"

"N-- Yes."

"Would you ever..." he sighed again, "Would you ever Spank Professor Snape while the both of you where topless in thongs?"

"hmm..." Hermione looked over at Snape, who winked. She sighed. "Yeah."

Harry turned to Ron, "I hope I get the privilege to turn into a telletubby, as long as I can go to the hospital wing without Hermione asking me questions, or Snape winking at me!" Ron nodded in agreement.

Harry turned back to Hermione.

"Well, last question. Then I can go skip and romp on a cheap, low budget set in the middle of the London slums with a Television on my belly, and the size of a blimp, where the sun is a large overfed baby, and the director smokes weed, while I have friends that are every color of the rainbow. And not to mention as gay as one! Okay, Do you believe... in...God??" Harry wasn't even sure about that himself.

"Who?"

"Well, heh, my turn…here I come weed smoking director..." Harry put the potion to his lips...

"Time! Everyone stop, Mr. Longbottom, get to the hospital wing with Miss Brown! Well, everyone hand in their parchment with their partner's name on it. Everyone who did not get time to fill it out fully will get a zero for today. And for those of you who are still under the serum, it will take a few hours to ware off. You are all dismissed." At that everyone flooded out of the room, many off to the hospital wing. Some being taunted from Malfoy about the truth about any question he decided.

Harry turned to Ron, and told her about what Hermione said to Harry when he had asked her about the voices. Ron looked worried.

"She hears voices? What was its name again? Hilbert?"

"Herbert. We'll have to question her more. I read that they wont remember what we ask," said Harry. He looked at Ron, who looked as though he would have a lot of fun with what time he had left of the serum.

"How will we know that the serum has worn off though?" asked Harry.

"She'll be slapping you when you ask her a question. that's how."

They all walked back to the cold dormitory, a bit behind the crowd.


End file.
